July 14, 2013
Selected Readings
Pine Valley Christian Church
Rev. David Hansen
On June 26th in a split 5 to 4 decision the Supreme Court struck down key parts of the Defense of Marriage Act. The decision has sparked a discussion. We have Letters to the Editor and guest editorials in the newspaper warning that we are on a slippery slope. Some commentators warn that we are trying to edit the uneditable word of God. But instead of accepting their word for it, I think we ought to look for ourselves and see what the Bible says about marriage. It should not surprise us to learn that the writers of the Bible do not all share the same view. There are differences of opinion.
When we consult the Bible, we do so to it to learn how our ancestors in the faith dealt with some of the same questions and concerns we have about how to live a faithful life. What did they say? Why did they say it? Does what they said then apply to us today? To help us answer these questions, I selected readings from the Book of Exodus, the Gospel according to Mark, First Corinthians and the Letter to Ephesians. These are all passages that talk about marriage, but they do not all say the same thing about marriage. When you hear someone say, “The Bible says . . . .” you can agree and then add that it says that and a lot more besides. More importantly, you may want to have a conversation at home or maybe here in the church about marriage and our faith tradition. I hope that this morning I can offer some thoughts that may be helpful, if you decide you want to have such a conversation.
In his opinion for the Court’s majority Justice Kennedy said that DOMA was discriminatory against a particular class of people because it denied them federal benefits that come with marriage. But the Court did not try to define marriage. They left that to the states. Thirteen states now recognize all marriages, a number of other states are considering doing so, and then other states say that marriage is reserved for only a certain class of people. What does our tradition say about marriage?
One of the places people turn to for guidance in answering this question is the 10 Commandments (Deut. 5: 1-21). Israel had left the place of slavery and bondage. They were in the wilderness when they began to envision what a new society would be like. They knew they did not want to go back to what was. The question they wrestled with is what the future would be. The Decalogue is the basic law for the new society they envisioned.
They said at that their new society would be based on their relationship with God. The vertical relationship with God would shape and define the horizontal relationships they had with one another. The first three commandments are about our relationship with God; the next seven are about their relationship with each other. The fourth commandment says, “Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you.” This is often interpreted to mean that children have to obey their parents but I think there is more to it than that. It also means that parents should behave in ways that are honorable. It’s a high bar. The greater burden and responsibility is on the adults, the parents, the caregivers. If we who are parents and guardians and caregivers want children to honor us, then we need to behave is ways that merit their respect.
The tenth commandment is the one that speaks directly to marriage. It says, “You shall not covet your neighbors wife, or his land, or his house, or his servants or his livestock, or anything else that belongs to him.” It is a property law. The purpose of this commandment is to protect personal property. And, only men can own property according to this law. Women are defined by the law as property. Women cannot own property because they are property. They are the property of their husband. And if they are not married, they are the property or responsibility of the oldest male member of the family.
Knowing this law helps us understand other parts of the Bible. When King David had an affair with Bathsheba, who was the wife of Uriah the Hittite, his crime was that he broke the 10th commandment. Bathsheba was Uriah’s property. The king was stealing Uriah’s property. It has been a long journey to freedom for women, and nobody wants to go back to this past. We do not want to return to a time when some people were the property of others.
Knowing the property laws of the Old Testament helps us understand and interpret the New Testament teaching on marriage. Jesus talks about marriage in the 10th chapter of Mark’s gospel. It is a reading we often hear at weddings. Jesus says, “At the beginning of Creation God made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. What God has joined together let no man separate” (10:5-12). He goes on in this passage to talk about divorce and adultery.
Today more than half of all marriages in this country experience divorce. My observation is that when divorce happens it is usually for good reason. There are many times when people don’t get divorced because of what Jesus says in Mark’s gospel, but I think this is a fundamental misunderstanding of the text. To tell the truth, there are times when for reasons of personal safety, or physical, spiritual and mental well-being people should get divorced. Contrary to what Jesus and Mark tell us, I have to say that divorce is not always wrong, sometimes it is necessary.
But there is more to be said about this passage. Jesus is answering a direction question. Mark tells us that the Pharisees asked Jesus a question to trap him. They asked him if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife. Jesus answers with a question of his own: “What does the law of Moses say?” And they tell him that according to the law of Moses a man can divorce a woman with a certificate of divorce. Don’t forget, she is his property. He owns her. The husband does not need to go to a judge or hire an attorney. All he has to do was write down on a piece of paper, “You are hereby divorced” and the marriage is over. She, the divorcee, then must rely on members of her family to take her in, or she is on the street.
So when we read these words of Jesus, we need to remember that he is answering a very specific question in a very particular context. He is not talking about marriage in the abstract. In his answer he is putting a stop to a very specific and a very patriarchal practice. He is striking a blow for equality. His statement implies that women have rights, and this is a radical assumption in first century Palestine. And some people think is a radical assumption in our time, too.
If we turn to First Corinthians, chapter 7, we find discussion about marriage that is taking place in the early church. These are first generation Christians who are trying to figure out how to live out their faith—just as we are. Apparently they have been exchanging letters with Paul and asking for his advice. We don’t know what the previous conversation was, and we don’t know what follows. We have this text in which Paul says, “In reply to questions you asked me, this is what I think.” And then he goes on to talk about marriage. He starts by saying that if you are a man or a woman and you are single, it is best if you stay single. His reasoning is interesting. He says that if you are married you have to please both the Lord and your partner, but if you are single you only have to please the Lord. Therefore, stay single. Elsewhere Paul calls himself a “prisoner of the Lord” and he even says that he is “a slave of the Lord.” The whole focus of his life after his conversion is on the gospel. So if you are single, stay single so you can devote yourself to ministry. This is Paul’s primary message. Then he says, if you are burning with desire, get married. Today we recognize that people get married for lots of reasons, but Paul has a single focus.
He says, if you are married, stay married. If you are married to someone who is not a Christian, stay married. If you are a slave and you are married, stay married. But if you are a widow or a widower, stay as you are, and devote yourself to serving the Lord. Summing it all up, Paul says that whether you are a man or a woman, it is best not to marry. But, he says, if you can’t control yourself, get married. And once you are married, stay that way. It is not a strong endorsement of marriage as a divine institution. It is recognition that some people choose to get married and other people chose not get married. Whether you are married or not, serve the Lord. That’s Paul’s message.
Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians (5:21-33) is, I think, one of the most misunderstood passages that speaks about marriage, but it is also one frequently cited. Verse 22 says, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Then in verse 25 Paul seems to soften it a bit when he says, “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” If we are going to use a text like this to talk about marriage, we need to start with verse 21, where Paul says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Marriage is a partnership of equals. That’s the message. “Submit to one another out of your reverence for Christ.” That is a statement about equality.
When I used to do counseling with couples planning on getting married, I would sometimes use this text because I think what Paul is telling us is that from a faith perspective, when two people love each other and make a commitment to each other, the love they share is an expression of God’s love. From a faith perspective, when we celebrate the union of two people, we are rejoicing with them and with God.
My own view is that we ought to separate church and state and allow anyone and everyone who wants to get married to be married by a judge or a justice of the peace or a magistrate. Then, if the couple wants to celebrate their marriage with members of their faith community and friends in a religious ceremony, they should be free to do that.
The truth is that DOMA did nothing to strengthen marriage. This is what Justice Kennedy recognized. When he wrote for the majority opinion overturning DOMA he said that the only purpose of the law was to punish a class of people, and therefore it was unconstitutional. We do not need to punish people for being who they are. We do need to support families, however we define family, and we need to support people who are raising children, whenever we can. Ending DOMA is a step toward helping couples and strengthening families. There are more than 20 ways that ending DOMA improves life for couples whose marriage is now recognized by federal law. I won’t list them all but let me lift up a few:
Spouses may receive social security, Medicare and disability benefits;
Spouses can take family leave to care for their partner;
Spouses may visit their each other in the hospital ICU unit or during restricted visiting hours;
Spouses may receive family insurance rates; and,
Spouses can sign legal documents for care of children.
These are rights that strengthen marriages and families. They are rights worth fighting for and worth defending.
Unfortunately, not every faith community sees it this way—but Pine Valley does. Thanks be to God for this oasis of love. In celebration of love, in celebration of marriage, in celebration of families, I invite us to stand and sing Brian Wren’s wonderful hymn, “When love is found, hope comes home. . . When love explodes and fills the sky, praise God and share our Maker’s joy. Praise God for love, praise God for life, in age or youth, in calm of strife. Lift up your hearts! Let love be fed through death and life in broken bread.”